A therapist’s guide to eating your feelings (A series): The best taco I ever ate.

I feel compelled to write this first blog to open the door to a little more about me. In graduate school, I distinctly remember being taught to hide ourselves in so many ways in the therapist “chair”. And truth be told, when I started out on this journey as a therapist, I did that. That was easily the story that I was being fed by fellow mental health professionals as well. I slowly learned that I could make up my own mind about how much I show of myself and that change over to being more authentic was a game changer for me. I still always want my clients to be the center of room - but what I know (and am still growing into) is that you don’t have to compromise that to be an effective therapist.

So here is a piece of me that you can bite off and chew…

I love food. If food was a love language, I would sign up for that. If food was a person, I would have already married it and settled down in the country with food. But like many modern women, I have sometimes been at odds with food. You could say we were in a lover’s quarrel, if you will. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home where food was never weaponized. A home where food was celebrated. A home where food was a deep part of culture, friendship, and sharing. A home where a belief was that food should always be “full fat” amidst the 90’s diet craze of “low fat/no fat" was healthier. No Snackwells Devils Food cookies were to be seen in our family cabinet - RIP. Which was arguably the WORST cookie ever created. Don’t come for me if you liked them, but amiright?

I felt a shift in my mid-20’s where I started to look at food as an enemy. I couldn’t enjoy it the same way and I noticed my body changing. Maybe it was new hormones, maybe it was the mystical “love weight” they say you put on when you find the human you want to spend the rest of your life with. I felt myself depriving. I recall visiting a friend in Buffalo one summer when I was in one of my deprivation cycles and we went to the grocery store. We inevitably walked by the bakery and my friend said - get a cookie. Oh did I want to get that cookie. It would have been like a scene out of Jurassic Park if I got that cookie. I kept denying and my friend kept encouraging in the nicest way possible. I think she saw something I didn’t see - she was a little older than me, perhaps wiser too. I think she saw me at one of my lowest weights and that this cookie wasn’t going to do any catastrophic damage and all I could see is the self-loathing I would have felt had I just gotten the treat, had the mouth orgasm and moved on with my life.

I have definitely come a long way from that version of myself and I’m so proud of her on a daily basis. It helps that I am surrounded by role models who don’t view food as good or bad - food should always be good and by that I mean, TASTES good! I know I’ll probably never be a size 6 again, but I would rather know that I love the version of myself that I am now.. My personal way of living currently is that life is too short for bad food(as in bad tasting), bad sex, and bad company. Those are my values.

Now let me tell you about the best taco I ever ate. I love to travel and Mexico City seemed like a fun option. After watching a few travel shows about the destination, I figured it would be a great anniversary trip with my husband and some family as well. If you haven’t checked out AirBNB experiences - stop reading this blog and go do that now. I have had 10/10 experiences locally and internationally and they never disappoint. I found a biking taco tour around the city. We had a lovely tour guide Chiquis who was so much fun! He knew the city inside and out and his passion for great food was immediately noticed. Our first stop was a stand that only comes out on Saturdays. It felt so special. The city was already buzzing because of Dia de Los Muertos. He said it would be the most special taco we would eat. And man oh man was it. It was barbacoa (and before you think it, not the same thing you get from Chipotle). Barbacoa is goat meat and this was specifically from the meat around the throat. So tender. So flavorful. The best salsas to compliment the meat. The best handmade tortilla of your life. THE BEST TACO I EVER ATE! All from this little unassuming roadside set up that I would have just walked by normally.

I might add that this trip (plus taco) came at one of the hardest, craziest, and seemingly out of control moments of my life that led me to clarity. That’s what I love about travel, just when you think you are lost, you find yourself. So, thank you taco for teaching me to enjoy and laugh again till your face hurts - I needed that in November 2024.

I think sometimes, what if the girl I knew in my 20’s was still present in me and she didn’t want to explore and grow through food. She would have missed out on that. I encourage you to think abut the moments in your life where you can reflect on how far you have come and things you recognize need healing rather than continuing on the same path. We all have those forks in the road. Choose healing rather than stagnation.

**Stay tuned for more dialouge about how to eat your feelings and how eating, culture, travel, and mental health all intersect.

Thanks for coming along.

With gratitude,

Diana

Diana Harden, LCPC is currently accepting new clients in Maryland (in-person and telehealth) and telehealth clients in Florida. She works with adult individuals and couples experiencing trauma, neurodivergence, and sex therapy concerns (and so much more!)

That girl and her taco.